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Are you one of those people who after getting married realized there were certain things you wish you had known before saying “I do”? In fact I often hear these conversations in my circle of married friends.
I feel like my relationship could’ve done without a lot of the early drama we had in the beginning, if only I had known certain things. I think part of being a grown up in a marriage is about accepting the good with the bad. Not being naive and not having unrealistic expectations. So to those newly engaged and those recreating their marriage, if you would like to build on a healthy foundation know what to expect.
1. We get out of it what we put in. It might occasionally feel like work, but if you don’t feed your marriage, it will starve.
2. Some days your spouse just won’t be feeling you and it is ok. Because on certain days, you won’t be feeling them either. It’s important for each person in the relationship to have their own hobbies and a life outside of their spouse. A smothering spouse can ruin a marriage.
3. Something is going to set you off, piss you off and almost take you to your limit. But you are the only one that has the power to control what and how you react to what happens.
4. You are going to get tired. Physically and emotionally. Make sure you are getting the necessary rest and relaxation. Don’t try being a superhero; know your limits and do what you can when you can. Be honest about when you need a break.
5. Occasionally your effort might not be matched by your spouse at any given time and it is also ok and shouldn’t stop you from giving your all.
6. Your spouse just might not get it. No matter how many times you’ve explained it there will be things you won’t agree on. He’ll have his view and she’ll be sold on her opinion. Know how to agree to disagree and move on.
7. You have a say so in the type of marriage you will have. From the very beginning your actions or lack thereof will determine if there is effective communication, teamwork, honesty and true commitment.
8. There are different paths that lead to the same result. Your spouse is not you, so he/she won’t always do things as you would. Accept that and keep it moving forward.
9. It won’t work without both partners being present. Showing up, trying harder, giving more of self and time is key.
10. Others are using your marriage as inspiration. People today need hope they want and need to see healthy marriages, especially in our communities.
Knowing what it takes going in helps to keep us prepared for the long haul. Being realistic and always willing to give your all is an excellent way to build your marriage.
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