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The number of women marrying in their late 30s and 40s has doubled in the last decade.
However, given some people’s reaction when you tell them you’re single post 35, you’d think we were still living in a time where the average life expectancy was 37 and a half.
Looks of sympathy, . of concern and ‘constructive’ ideas about how to meet ‘the one’ – If you think going it alone isn’t without its consequences, think again.
Here are 14 . every single girl in her 30s is tired of hearing.
1. But you’re gorgeous! Why are you single?
Ah, the old favourite.
There’s nothing a smug couple enjoys more than asking single friends why they’re single – with an obligatory ‘You’re so gorgeous! You’re such a catch! What a waste!’ to soften the blow.
2. Have you tried online dating?
Jeez, no, that *never* crossed my mind! Why didn’t I think of that?
3. Stop looking and you’ll find it
If I had a pound off every 38-year-old who’d met the man of her dreams, sitting on her sofa in a onesie watching Coronation Street with nothing but a cat and a bottle of Shiraz for company, I’d be a very rich woman by now.
4. Stop being so fussy
Because ‘you’re not getting any younger’ wink, wink.
Nothing gets a family get-together off to roaring start quite like a conversation with a ‘concerned’ relative about your eggs and the dwindling chance of them being successfully fertilised.
*Adds ‘getting pregnant’ to list of things to do next week*
Because it’s *that* easy.
6. Have you thought about freezing your eggs?
Have you thought about giving me five grand?
7. Get out of those Uggs!
Whilst I recognise that Ugg wearing is not always conducive to hot man dating, there comes a time in every woman’s life when certain things take priority.
It’s November, it’s raining, I’m hungover.
F**k relationships – I choose sheepskin heaven.
8. Tell us one of your hilarious dating stories
And make sure you bring some modeling balloons and a pack of cards.
Because there is nothing a single girl in her 30s loves more than entertaining ‘proper grown-ups’ at dinner parties.
9. You don’t need a plus one, do you?
10. We put you next to Uncle ‘roving-eye’ Ron
Excellent, why would I want to bring the cute guy I’ve been newly dating to your wedding when I could spend the evening being perved at by a 62-year-old man with personal hygiene issues.
And you wonder why I’m single.
11. I envy you
From someone who married before online dating was invented.
12. It was all couples so I didn’t think you’d want to come
13. I’m thinking of starting Oscar on Kumon
Is it a food? Is it a sport? Is it a language?
Here’s a secret. Not only does your child-free, single friend think Kumon is a tropical fruit, Montessori is an area of southern Italy and Gina Ford is a reality TV star from Geordie Shore – but she has no interest in finding out otherwise, either.
14. Maybe you should cut back on your drinking
Because middle-aged booze bloat isn’t going to get you a man!
*Pours wine, lights fag, de-friends*
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