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In order for both partners to feel secure in the marriage, we not only need to remain faithful to our spouse (hence, the marital vows), but we also need to remove any barriers in our life that might make our spouse even question if we are worthy of his/her trust. So, what does that look like? Here are just a few things you can do today to make your spouse feel more secure in your marriage:
1. Answer the phone whenever your spouse calls
This may be easier for some and harder for others due to work responsibilities (or, if you are like me, you don’t hear it ring because you forgot it was on vibrate), but it is a simple way to improve the communication in your marriage. Don’t ignore your spouse’s calls! If you can’t answer right when he/she calls, send him/her a quick text to let him/her know that you saw the call and will call back when you have the chance. This keeps the line of communication open and is a kind and courteous way to build feelings of security in your marriage.
2. Get off the phone or computer when you are with your spouse
For most of us, including Dave and myself, this is harder than it seems. We use our smartphones to chat with our loved ones, check socical media, and even read our Bibles…all good things, but we still need to put our devices down when we are with our spouses, as much as we possibly can. When we give our spouse our full attention, which means “giving them our eyes and ears” (yes, just like your teacher would say), we are showing them that they are more important than whatever else is on the other side of that screen. This instills a feeling of security and helps us to be better listeners. We also need to do away with any passwords or devices that our spouse is unaware of. Nothing builds insecurity more than secrecy.
3. Watch where your eyes wander
“But I say, anyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28
Let’s face it. We are going to notice an attractive person walking by, and that is okay. We can’t cover our eyes in public places, but we can control the amount of time and thought we give to each glance. Let me be specific, when you see that hottie walking by, your eyes don’t need to inspect them top to bottom or follow them to where they are going. When we are constantly staring at other men or women or if we make sly . about how “cute” or “fit” or “pretty” someone else is, we are digging a hole of insecurity in our marriage. You might be telling yourself that this is harmless or innocent simply because you aren’t having a physical affair with that person. This is a dangerous lie because when we let our glances become lasting glances, lasting glances turn into thoughts, thoughts become fantasies, and fantasies, outside of your own spouse, destroy marriages.
4. Keep God as the center of your relationship
“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.”- a strong marriage in which the husband, wife, and God each represent a strand of the cord, with God being the heartiest strand. This kind of cord is hard to break and extremely secure, but the cord as a whole is only as strong as each strand. If one strand is compromised or cut off, the cord looses some of its strength and with enough weight it will eventually fold or break down completely.