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You’re 100% wasting your time. If you’re wondering why the person you’re with isn’t making a deeper commitment to you, these 5 things might be the real reason why they aren’t moving closer to settling down with you:
1. They’re currently at a life stage where a committed relationship is NOT a priority.
Is your boyfriend or girlfriend going through higher education, recently out of a serious relationship, or dealing with a lot of ex drama? Or they’re working really hard toward something in their life besides you that they’re totally focused on?
Then they’re probably not thinking about settling down right now. Getting them to say yes to your marriage proposal or give you a rock isn’t very likely. They might genuinely love you and be cool with having a relationship with you, even one where they see you all the time. But if they’re not in an emotional space where they can handle further responsibilities, it might be a considerable wait before they’re ready to settle down— if it happens with you at all.
2. They actually say they never want to get married.
Trying to change their mind by morphing into super boy/girlfriend just screws up your own confidence and happiness. If you want a commitment and they very clearly don’t see themselves taking that step, respect their position and take their word on it.
3. Their emotional baggage is overwhelming.
Emotional roller coasters do not create situations where people are dying to settle down. If they’ve recently been divorced, abused or are working through a stressful time, they are bound to be hard to tie down. Sometimes waiting and helping someone through the situation works, sometimes not— it’s very circumstantial.
4. You feel like a temporary fling.
Things like 1:00 AM booty calls, not being a priority, and their staunch avoidance of introducing you to their friends or family is a dead giveaway that this pairing is probably not going anywhere. They don’t see you as marriage material— and most likely never will.
Of all of the situations on this list, this one is the most doomed. If you really want to settle down, have the hard talk and move on from this type of casual fling. Trying to turn it into anything more is a recipe for pain and frustration.
5. Your life goals don’t line up.
If you want a drastically different life than they do over the long term, the fact that they don’t want to tie you down is actually a huge blessing in disguise. Love does not conquer all. It waxes and wanes.
Beneath it all, you MUST have a sense that your lives are going in the exact same direction for something to work out in the long run. You might feel like this is the greatest love the world has ever known, but trying to bring them home and domesticate them just isn’t going to work out.
You might be ready to settle down, but remember that one major key to getting a commitment is to pick someone who is ready for that.
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