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Not every pregnancy is planned. In fact, I’m inclined to believe that so many of us came about by accidental discharge, following the way we behave these days..
Even amongst married folks who are licensed to smash each other like rabbits, we hear horror stories of unplanned pregnancies. No wonder abortion clinics are popping out just about everywhere. People seem not to care about safe s’εx or understand the simple meaning of contraception.
Well, I’m not here to educate you on that. You can check your local community health care center for proper information. My job here is to let you in on what happens when someone comes and tells you that they got accidentally pregnant.
I will not blame the female folk today until next time. Guys are going to get the heat for this one.
Here are 8 times men get stupid during s’εx and produce an offspring.
1. “I Pull Out Before I Shoot’ Oh, Lord Withdrawal! Didn’t they tell you that your pre-cʊm has enough sp’εrm from your last to father a child? Oh okay, you pee in-between sessions. Nice move. But you can’t honestly tell me that there weren’t a few slip-ups in all your pull out encounters. You and I know that the sweetest part is when you offload all your goods in the right warehouse. So stop applauding yourself for staining the sheets. And just a little reminder, someone in the bible died because of ‘pulling out’.
2. ‘It’s The Woman’s Responsibility To Handle Contraception’ This is how so many clueless men have been lied to. She tells you she’s on the pill or that she’ll pop some after and you believe and go in raw. This same babe will come back a month later and tell you the pill(s) didn’t work. Dude, never believe any of that nonsense a woman says before s’εx. Always have yourself locked and loaded.
3. ‘I Tear Open The CD With My Teeth’ It’s good to get the mouth, and sometimes even the teeth involved during s’εx but please, use your fingers to tear open the CD. Why? To avoid poking a hole into it. The only hole you should be poking should be… never mind. The wise ones understand what I’m talking about.
4. Putting On Or Taking Off The CD During S’εx Okay, seriously I don’t get this part. You start having s’εx then halfway, for whatever reason, you say ‘oops! sorry, I forgot to use a CD’ and then you put one on. Have you heard of pre-cʊm? Obviously not. Google it. Then for those of you who decide ‘this CD thing is killing my vibe’ and decide to remove it halfway, please go for quality stuff next time or learn how to wear on a CD correctly
5. ‘We Had S’εx During Her Period’ First of all…eww! Second, don’t deceive yourself. Women have and can get pregnant during their periods. Some medical practitioners will not agree to this but others will. It has been found that some women ovulatε when they are menstruating, so next time while dipping into the Red Sea, be sure to use a life jacket. If you go releasing your little swimmers with no protection, one of them is bound to swim upstream and catch something you’re not prepared for.
6. I’ve been keeping The CD For Three Years My dear brother, I know it’s a quality brand product and probably cost you a few hundred shillings and you’re saving it for prime V, or just maybe you haven’t been in a dry spell for long time; but it’s no reason for you to leave it in your wallet until it either expires or becomes useless. Use it when it’s still good or throw it away.
7. ‘I Like My CD Tight’ And so you push your ‘D’ all in to fill the CD tip. Bros, unless your ‘D’ is shaped exactly like a CD, please desist from tightening things in there. You have to leave that space for the spill. If you don’t, the CD will break. I’m tempted to say it’s not ‘rocket’ science but erm…
8. ‘We Had S’εx While Standing’ First of all, buhahahahaha! For real? So, let me understand the logic. You did it while standing and all of the s’εmεn spilled to the floor and none was left in her. Hmmm… In physics, following the law of gravity, it makes sense. But not in biology, which may have a law somewhere that states ‘what goes in, stays in’. of course, some of it may drip out but a good amount will stay in. You should know that the ‘P’ is one place that may not have a door but has a way of keeping things in. Be Warned!
Basically, just don’t be stupid during s’εx. Protect yourself and your woman. Use a CD.
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