How to Secure Your Emotions in a Relationship


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Everyone desires to be in a secured relationship irrespective of who they are dating, courting or married to. Such security could be financial, spiritual, physical or/and emotional. It’s usually a good feeling knowing that nothing can go wrong in your relationship because your partner has got your best interest at heart 24/7. However, not everyone has the opportunity to be in a bed-of-roses kind of relationship, hence they tend to become insecure.

Emotional insecurity is a feeling of general unease or nervousness that could be triggered by seeing oneself as vulnerable or inferior in some way. Most people yearn for a deeply, supportive, caring and emotionally safe relationship with a romantic partner, yet almost everyone suffers from emotional insecurity at one time of their life.

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Sometimes, this feeling of insecurity can make it difficult to think or behave rationally and this could lead to difficult interactions with your partner, making the situation even worse. At the end, whether your partner makes you feel secured or not, it’s up to you to choose how you want to spend the rest of your life in that relationship. However, with the following tips you can Secure Your Emotions and not get hurt at the long run.

Get Self-Control and Self-Security

Unfortunately, feelings of insecurity make it harder to exercise self-control, causing conflicts with your partner and leading to future insecurity for both of you. So to have a good-standing in your relationship you should be able to be in charge of your emotions and know when to stop being scared or angry over nothing or just little things.

Studies have shown that people who feel emotionally secure and supported are usually better at regulating their own emotions. People who don’t feel emotionally secure find it much harder to do so. Men who describe themselves as “secure” in a relationship are able to get over feelings of anger more easily than others without a secure relationship. So you see, what you are reflects in your relationship with the next person, especially in a romantic affair.

Love With Your Head

The way people handle their romantic relationships often has a lot to do with their childhood experiences. When a child feels sad or scared, a caregiver usually steps in and helps the child feel better. Children learn how to make themselves feel better by internalizing this care-giving experience. But for adults it’s different.

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A person who wasn’t able to consistently get this type of soothing care as a child will not know how to deal with difficult emotions effectively as an adult. When you love whole-heartedly like your life depends on it, it becomes really impossible not to feel hurt peradventure things go sore. The best way to secure your emotions is to love with your head and not to attach so much affection to the object of love, else whenever the boat is rocked your heart would be affected.


Know Yourself

The first step toward greater emotional security is to know yourself better. With some people, emotional insecurity manifests from the fear of being abandoned and a need to fix all problems immediately even if it means chasing after a partner who is trying to end a difficult conversation. Other people need to avoid or flee from conflict even when the relationship depends on talking something out.

Some people feel compelled to control their emotions and seem calm and rational, even if this makes them appear cold and distant to a partner who is suffering. According to marriage counselor Jeff Saunders, all of these behaviors stem from emotional insecurity, the inability to self-soothe and the strategies the person has developed over the years to avoid painful emotions.

Heal Yourself

The key to overcoming insecurity is mindful self-awareness. Learn how to pay attention to what you’re really feeling, let yourself feel it and let it go when it’s ready. Don’t judge it, try to control it or try to change it. Calmly engaging with a difficult emotion is the easiest way to get through it without being overwhelmed by it.

According to Jeff Saunders, you can only ask your partner for what you really need if you understand it yourself, so mindful self-awareness should make it easier to address problems in the relationship. Assure yourself that you are good enough for your partner and s/he can not do without you. This self-assurance will help eradicate that fear.

Heal Your Partner

Mindfulness also makes it easier to understand your partner’s emotions so you can offer your partner more support and security. A partner who feels more secured and supported should find it easier to help you too, changing a mutually hurtful pattern of behavior into a mutually supportive and healing one.

In case you recognize the signs of emotional insecurity in yourself, or partner, know that it’s time to get to work into getting that confidence back. A relationship where one or both partners feel insecure would not last as much as a perfectly healthy one. So look for a way to fix the problem yourself, as no one will do that for you. However, you can help each other feel more secure by taking care of your own emotions first.

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