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1. Get her number. This might seem like the hardest step, but it’s necessary! If she gives you her number, you can safely assume that she’s open to texting. Here are a few different tips on how to do it:
Don’t get her number in a creepy way. You don’t want to come off as a stalker, so try to avoid covert methods of getting her number. This includes getting it from her friends, finding it online, or any other sneaky means. Her phone number is private information, and she should have the right to give it to people she wants having it.
Find an excuse. Don’t worry, she’ll probably know it’s a thin cover for getting her number, but she might be willing to give it to you anyway! If you’re out with a group, ask for her number so everyone can coordinate plans. If you’re in the same class, ask if you two can exchange numbers to keep up on homework assignments.
“Swap” numbers. Give her your number, and then say “And what’s yours?” or “Sorry, I didn’t get your number yet?”
Ask outright. If you don’t have an excuse, don’t sweat it — you can just ask. Stay casual, and start off with something like, “Hey, could I text you sometime?” or the basic “Can I have your number?” This should work well if you’re wrapping up a fun date or some interaction that went well.
2. Pick a good time for your first text. Text her too soon, and you’ll seem desperate; wait too long, and you’ll seem disinterested. When is the perfect time, then? There’s no way to say precisely, but keep these pointers in mind:
Wait at least a day. Getting her number in the afternoon and texting her that night might seem too eager, and “too eager” sometimes translates to “creepy” for some girls. It’ll be hard to wait it out, but try.
Pick a time when she’s likely to text you back. Don’t send your first attempt when she’s probably at work or at school, and too distracted to text you back. Instead, aim for mid-evening, around 8ish, on weekdays. On the weekend, try any time of day except evening, when she might be out with friends.
3. Reintroduce yourself. Don’t just assume she’ll automatically know who you are.
If you’re already good acquaintances, your name should be enough, like “Hey Brianna, this is John. How’s your night going? :)”.
If you just met her, you might need to provide some context, like “Hey Brianna, this is John. I had a great time talking to you on Tuesday.”
3. Make small talk. Texting is a perfect medium for small talk, so use it to your advantage! Don’t worry too much about saying something really deep and interesting when you’re first texting a girl — a willingness to engage in small talk and care about the mundane details of her life is enough for now.
Ask how her day went. It’s that simple, and it could open up a whole conversation.
Bring up something you talked about last time you saw her. It could be an inside joke, a common interest, or simply picking up where a prior conversation left off.
Ask about her interests. Most people are comfortable talking about themselves, so make it easy for her by asking about what she likes. For instance, you might ask what she does in her spare time or if she has any hobbies. If you already know what she’s interested in, ask her to tell you more about it. For instance, “You said the other day that you ride horses, which I honestly know nothing about. I’d love to know more about why you like it.”
Leaving before the conversation gets stale helps her maintain a good impression of you, and eases some of the stress of wondering what to talk about. As soon as you feel the conversation winding down, draw it to a graceful close.
Tell her you enjoyed texting her. As you leave, try to end the interaction on a positive note. Something like, “This was awesome, I’d love to talk to you again.”
4. Set up next time. Establish the expectation that you’ll text her again as you end the conversation. Note that you want to know more about her interests next time you talk, or you’re already looking forward to texting her again. A simple “Maybe I’ll talk to you again tomorrow?” works, too.
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