Second Chances And Forgiveness: Will My Cheating Man Be Faithful This Time?


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Can a man change for the woman he claims to love? If a woman finds out her man is talking inappropriately to a coworker and she tells him to stop, but later catches him emailing the same woman, “I love you.” He says he ‘messed up.’ He apologizes and says he doesn’t want the other woman. She takes him back, only to find out months later that not only is he still talking to her, he has also had s*x with her. She moves out. Now, he is doing everything possible to try to get her back. Should she take him back? What should one do?

The Possibility of Change: First, anyone can change if they’re willing to put in the necessary work that change requires of them. The fact that change is possible for him only affirms the possibility of meeting a desired end. It does not, in any way, influence the outcome. Possibilities are only realized when commitments to achieve established goals are met. What you must consider is his motivation for change. People change for one of two reasons, external (outside pressure) or internal (self-directed desire for better) motivation.

(1) Change is a better option than the more undesirable alternative (external pressure).

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(2) They decide to change for their own personal development because they realize a greater need for personal improvement (internal motivation).

“He that changes against his will is of the same opinion still.” There’s an old saying, “He that changes against his will is of the same opinion still.” This corresponds to the first option listed above. Change that’s a response to opposition will only last as long the opposition that influenced it. The second option for change is self-motivated by one’s desire for growth which is the way to establish true and lasting change. When a man chooses to pursue a woman for a relationship, any relevant changes he needed should have been made prior to engaging her. In particular, any issues dealings with other women should have been settled long before he began to pursue a relationship with you.

You specifically asked, “Can a man change for the woman he claims to love?” What you didn’t say was, “A woman he loves.” Often, the way we frame our questions is just as important, if not more important, than the questions themselves. The operative word here is “claims” to love. Love is more than three words said and the warm fuzzy feelings felt when they’re heard. Love is a controlled behavior. The basis by which a woman learns the character of a man is by observing his behavior. Infidelity is dishonorable behavior.

Choices: Whether or not you reestablish the relationship is a choice that you must make based upon some very serious internal dialogue you must have. Whether or not he will change is based solely on his choice for or against change. Neither you nor I can predict with any certainty. You can only reflect on the character that you have been shown thus far as a basis for you to seriously contemplate the decision you must make, whether to move forward with your life without him or to give him another chance. Choose wisely. Your future and that of your future children may depend on this very important decision you will make today.

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