Singles: 5 Ways to Tell If You Have a “Grown” or Mature Mindset in Relationships


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I’ll admit that sometimes being “grown” or of age to do certain things in life, doesn’t mean you’re mature enough to handle them. Case in point: romantic relationships are not for people who just say they’re grown but for those who carry a mindset that reflects growth and maturity. Which side are you on when it comes to relationships? These five ways will give you a hint:

Being able to ask for help or advice

Many of us misuse the “I’m grown” adage, thinking we know so much that we can make decisions on our own or without wise counsel. It’s not to say that you shouldn’t be able to decide for yourself on certain things, but when it comes to relationships, a mature mindset would include a willingness to receive counsel.

This guidance can come from trusted friends or mentors; and allow the Holy Spirit to provide wise perspective on your relationship. But this does not mean including everyone in your business; this is allowing people you trust to observe you and your significant other and discern anything you may have missed. Despite our age and experience, we can still get blinded by love and need the right people on our side to make sure we’re headed in the right direction.

Accepting your faults and making corrections

Have you ever met a stubborn adult? They claim they’re grown, but their actions appear to be more childish, right? I think this happens often among adult singles, who fail to learn from their mistakes in the relationship. Instead of examining why past relationships failed and trying to improve upon their own faults, they just find someone new to get over the last one and never learn.

I know from experience that this is not a good idea. Singles with a mature mindset will be humble enough to accept their mistakes and take the time to work on themselves to make wiser decisions. Mature singles in Christ will allow God to heal their hearts from any wounds or voids left from that relationship.

Doing what God wants you to do vs. doing what you want to do

A mature person simply shows maturity with their actions. You have the freedom of choice to do what you want to do, but maturity tells you that not everything is beneficial to you (1 Corinthians chapter 6, verse 12). For instance, you’re grown so you can stay up at your date’s house, but maturity says you should be considerate of your time, heart and boundaries. Maturity is not perfection; it’s being humble and sensitive to the Holy Spirit on how to operate in life and relationship—not rationalization or emotions.

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Dating with purpose and in season

An “I’m grown” mindset let’s you believe you call the shots when dating. You date whoever, whenever and however, and so you have the free range to date as you please. But is that actually wise?

Maturity reminds you that not every season is the season to date—no matter what other people are doing or what your hormones are saying. Maturity in relationships means you’re willing to wait to date someone with purpose in mind and not just to waste time. Mature singles are in tune with God about their season by seeking God first before seeking a date. They wait on the Lord to prepare them for such a pivotal and exciting season as dating and courting.

Going from selfish to selfless.

Many of us connect being “grown” with the ability to attain something for yourself. But I think it’s more than that. Being mature is thinking of the other person and the bigger picture.

Once you’ve reached grown status, you may think it’s all about you, and having a sense of entitlement regarding things in life. But if we are to renew our minds daily, we have to embrace maturity in how we see ourselves and others. You carry yourself in your relationships with integrity and wisdom selflessly because you are not afraid to pour into a relationship. You’re not thinking of yourself but of your purpose in the other person’s life and how you can serve them.

So if you’ve found yourself in this list or not, there’s always room for improvement to be the best you can be in your romantic relationships. Whether you’re 25 or 55, your maturity level is what really counts over any number and expectation that you give yourself.



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