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I am taking on this subject for the very reason that I am a man, make no mistake about it, and I protest vehemently against the inference that my fellow men and I do stupid things.
We do NOT do stupid things. We do things that women just don’t understand, but you can still love us anyways. Men are naturally lovable and huggable – once we brush our teeth and shave, and we do that quite often (although not as often as some genders, which shall remain nameless, may think necessary).
Here is a partial list of some of the things we men do that other genders (nameless still) may label as “stupid”, with a rational explanation about why we do them. I write this article not to criticize any particular gender, but only to promote peace, love, understanding, and second helpings of mashed potatoes:
…and other soiled items thrown on the floor. At first glance this would SEEM to be a disgusting and rude habit. Please understand, we are only marking our territory. Without those familiar markers, and scents, we might wander away, lost, and never return.
We men prefer to call it “clearing the throat after a heavy meal”. In the bad old days men would congregate in the library after a good meal to drink brandy and smoke cigars, which helped keep the gas in the stomach from erupting. But aren’t you glad that today’s man simply eructates instead of seeking inebriation and filling up the house with stinky second-hand smoke? What are a few bellows compared to cancer and cirrhosis of the liver?
Never admitting we are lost
A man is never lost. Period. Even if he can’t name the place he is at, he is still not lost. It’s the rest of the world that is lost. Where a man is, is the right spot. We have a natural GPS in our heads, which will get us where we’re going eventually. Stopping to ask directions dissipates a man’s inborn sense of direction. Trust us. We’ll get you there. Does an extra day or two really matter?
Brand new clothes, pressed and starched, have their place in society – mainly for job interviews and funerals. But otherwise a comfortable cotton t-shirt and faded jeans are all anyone should need. If you expect a man to enjoy getting dressed up to go out, you have mistaken him for a Ken doll. He will always resent it, no matter what he may say out loud, and he will come down with mange if you keep him in clean, new clothes too long.
When is he gonna pop the question?
Every man knows that haste makes waste, which is why he prudently takes his time with something as important as a marriage proposal. Fools rush in where wise men prefer to ring the doorbell and wait cautiously outside. We are not to be stampeded into “sweeping her off her feet”. “Slow and steady wins the race” is our motto. Unless, of course, it concerns buying a dirt bike or a bet to see how many black olives we can stuff into our left ear…then immediate action is always called for!
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