Romantic love can lead many people to be a tad obsessive, wanting to spend every hour of the day together. If you become overly attached emotionally, it’s not hard to start assuming that the man or woman with whom you’re in love shares the same feelings and desires. Often, this is simply not the case and it can be frightening for your partner to find that your deep feelings have turned obsessive.
To avoid pushing the man or woman of your dreams away from you, rein in the fixation to restore your relationship’s balance.
Cultivate confidence. Obsessive behavior often stems from a lack of self-esteem — if you don’t believe in your own self-worth, it’s easy to succumb to thoughts that your boyfriend doesn’t love you or is cheating on you. Make a list of the reasons why you’re awesome — things you do well and amazing traits you have.
Focus on yourself. You were a complete person with friends and hobbies before you met him, so that shouldn’t change now. Have brunch with your girlfriends. Go to the gym. Take a class in something you’ve always wanted to try, whether it’s photography, African dance or creative writing. Focusing on your own friends and interests will help you get rid of your obsessive thoughts, and men love confident, curious women.
Give him space. Just as it’s important for you to maintain your own friends and interests, it’s important for him, too. Encourage him to pursue his hobbies and hang out with his friends. Remember that just because he’s watching the game with his buddies tonight, it doesn’t mean that he’s out with other girls or that he doesn’t want to see you. Plus, spending some time apart will give you even more to talk about next time you’re together!
Replace obsessive thoughts with confident ones. Every time you find yourself thinking that he might not call, replace that thought with “he may not call right now, but I know he will soon.” Trade “he’s out checking out other girls” with “I’m attractive, so of course my boyfriend thinks so, too!”
Think before you act. Acting on your obsessive impulses will erode trust and eventually destroy the relationship. Count to a hundred before you send him that seventh text. Go for a walk if you’re tempted to call and grill him on his whereabouts. Smile and lay your head on his shoulder before you ask him if he loves you.
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