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MEN LIKE s*x!! Okay now that we’ve gotten that out of the way and now that every woman reading this feels like it will just confirm her thoughts of men being “horn dogs,” I would like to take this time to make this blog about more than just s*x.
Men, before you start beating your chest and saying “YEAH!” and ladies before you start rolling your eyes and sucking your teeth, hear me out. This blog post isn’t about ego; this article is about understanding and reconnecting. So open your mind and seek to understand.
Ladies, to strengthen your bond of intimacy, your men need you to understand a few things.
Just because it’s not a priority to YOU, doesn’t mean it isn’t to him
Ladies if s*x is an afterthought for you and not at the top of your priority list, for him it probably is. Just like you need him to communicate and be engaged and connected to you, he needs you to make love with him.
It’s not just about the physical for him
He wants to be wanted too and s*x keeps him emotionally connected to you. Believe it or not, having s*x with you gives him confidence beyond the bedroom. s*x is the release that he needs to RECHARGE.
Stop making excuses and just going through the motions
Finding every reason not to have s*x, having a headache every night, or creating an atmosphere that subliminally tells him you aren’t interested, is hurtful too.
YES, rushing to put on the head wrap or face mask, and sneaking into bed before he even has a chance to make it in the room is a signal to him that you aren’t interested…AGAIN.
Oh, and inviting the kids to come sleep in the room with y’all doesn’t help the situation either…you aren’t slick. Understand that just going through the motions and hoping he “hurries up and finishes” is something he notices, and he would rather be rejected than feel like he is having to coerce his wife into wanting to have s*x with him.
He gets tired too
Just like you work, he works; just like you have kids, he has kids; so you being tired all of the time can’t be the consistent reason to deny your man intimacy. The thing about s*x is that, just like any other activity, the hardest part is just getting started and then momentum takes over.
In addition to literally being tired, he also gets tired figuratively. This means that the more he is rejected, the less he will try. And when he stops trying, then HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM! Suddenly, he gets really frustrated and you start having a household full of s*xual frustration and it’s communicated through passive aggressiveness.
Have you ever wondered why, at times, you think things are all good, but:
He comes off a little short with you?
He starts communicating less?
He starts investing more time in his hobbies?
He starts spending more time outside of the house?
Well men like to be places where they are wanted and desired so think about the last time you made him feel that way. If it’s been a while, you may want to do something about it.
Other women will pick up on the vulnerability
I already know this is the one that is going to make people uncomfortable because they think it’s so selfish, but, as a woman, think about the times that men have been hurt and confided in you for comfort.
Your man is no different. Many times when he is feeling rejected or not affirmed at home, he will go out of his way to get that affirmation elsewhere.
He might not even sleep with the woman, but just the fact that she finds him desirable will be intriguing and desirable for him. Oh, and there are many women picking up on the void: the ones at work, the ones in the gym, or sometimes even your “friends,” so don’t give them any holes to fill.
By the way fellas, this isn’t an excuse to go and step out on your woman, because there are many other solutions to prevent things from getting to this level.
Open your mouth
The same time you spend telling your girlfriends about the reasons you don’t desire s*x with your man is the same time you need to spend letting him in on the secret.
I know you may think you’re doing him a favor by not telling him if it’s something potentially hurtful (like you aren’t satisfied sexually) but trust me you’re doing more damage by just avoiding and rejecting him.
Now with that said, HOW you communicate it is important as well; but that’s an entirely different blog post in itself. Just know that yelling and telling him how terrible he is in bed probably won’t get the desired result.
Ladies I know this one might have been a hard pill for you to swallow, but these are the things that your girlfriends can’t tell you and sometimes your man is too prideful to communicate to you.
You can get mad and tell me how biased and misogynistic the article is and blah, blah, blah, or you can actually kill the ego and try to hear what I am saying. Listening might be the very thing to help save your relationship. Oh and I haven’t forgotten about the fellas, stay tuned… I’ve got some things for them to consider as well!